Letting it go.

I got rid of my fat pants. 

Weird way to start off this weeks's blog huh? It's true. If you know me well, you know that I have hoarder tendencies. I find sentimental value to practically everything I've ever seen and/or touched. Rationally I know this makes no sense, but I am super nostalgic and don't want to get rid of anything that will give me a warm and fuzzy feeling or might be the slightest bit useful for me in the future. While there may be some wisdom in holding onto things, it can also become a major hindrance in life. If you've watched any episodes of TLC's show Hoarders, you have seen that people can use their things to make actual walls around them. While I've never gotten to that level, there is a part of me that sees why and how it gets to that place. Things can bring comfort. Things can bring memories. Things can bring safety. 

And that's what my fat pants have been. Like I've mentioned before, I've lived in the pattern of weight gain/weight loss for the majority of my life so I've had a wide range of clothes crammed in my closet throughout the years. I've lost weight before but held onto the bigger sizes because, I think deep in my mind, I knew I would gain it back. I didn't want to get rid of it because I knew I'd need it again. I used those bigger sized clothes to build a wall around my insecurities and fears. 

This time around, I got rid of ALL my clothes that are too big with the exception of 1 pair of pants (for one of those dramatic before and after pictures). I donated everything! The mini hoarder inside of me was screaming, but my thinking has changed too much to hold onto all that. I'm sick of putting myself in that box. I don't want to keep those things because, if my determination and self-discipline have anything to do with it, I am NEVER going back. I'm taking those excuses off the table and out of my closet.  I will not give myself that option. I refuse to keep those clothes on my top shelf reminding me that I'm just a few cookies away from being back in them. It's a shift in perspective. Sure, keeping those could save me money in the future if I gain weight, but keeping them causes more damage than they're worth. Literally. 

Again, I want to be clear. I do not think being "plus size" or "fat" or "big-boned" is bad. Or something to cause a person shame. I'm just talking about me. I'm talking about knowing what is right and healthy and good for my body and mind. My value doesn't change if I'm a size 3 or a size 30. A dirty and crumpled $20 bill is worth the same as a clean and crisp $20 bill. (I'm also not saying that a heavier person is like dirty money). I'm learning that my worth doesn't fluctuate with letter on my tag. I just want to be healthy. I want to continue to grow stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. And I realized part of that was getting rid of the clothes that were reminding me of who I was, and who I could very easily become again. 

I got rid of everything. And it feels so good! My encouragement for you this week is to take a look at what you're holding onto. Is it helping you or hurting you? If it's not moving you forward, then take Elsa's advice and LET. IT. GO. 

Oh yeah, my 1/2 marathon training. Week 2 went pretty well. 

Monday - 3 miles
Tuesday - 2
Wednesday - 3
Friday - 4

I wasn't feeling as insatiably hungry and my body wasn't feeling completely broken down. My determination was at an all time high. I am still working on figuring out what pace is sustainable and what playlist keeps me engaged. But I know those things will come as I continue to invest time and energy into this process. 

So there we have it. Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring. Love.



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