Let's Run!

I’m running a half marathon in October. In the spirit of being dramatic and to emphasize the importance of those 7 little words, I’ll say it again: I’M RUNNING A HALF MARATHON IN OCTOBER. October 6^th to be exact. What in the name of all that is holy am I thinking?!? This is a semi-interesting story that I want to share with you, but I think I need to rewind the tape a little to give you some background on what in the world brought me to this decision. And why the heck it matters at all.

Before I start, I just have to say that I’m not fishing for compliments in all of this. The truth is, I really have gone through some profound changes over the last hand full of months and I’m feeling inspired to write about it. I’ve learned some things that I think are important - important enough to write about on this silly little blog to share with the handful of people who will actually read what I have to say (Hi Mom). Please feel no pressure to comment, share, or tweet about my awesomeness. My genuine hope is to bring a smile to your face and to give a little encouragement. I’m a sentimental sap for processing emotions, so I figured this is something that I can open up about with my adoring fans (Hi Granny). My goal for this blog is to give weekly updates on the training schedule for the doozy that is a 13.1 mile race. I’ll share my thoughts, feelings, and any ailments that I endure. And I’ll try not to use the word journey too much although I can’t make any promises on that one. It won’t always be grammatically correct or make complete sense, but I promise it will always be honest.

Anyway, back to my fitness journey (Well shoot, that didn’t take very long for me to drop the    j-bomb – sorry about that. I just looked at an online thesaurus for the word journey and it gave me trip, voyage, expedition, ride, and drive. Let’s see here… “Well anyways, back to my fitness expedition…” That’s just not doing it for me and certainly doesn’t hold the dramatic weight I am looking for. So, journey it is). In October of last year, I decided that I wanted to try and get healthier. It’s a decision I’ve made many times. My life has been a yo-yo of trying to be healthy and trying to see how many zebra cakes I can fit into my mouth at once. But, following the same pattern that I have most of my life, I knew that I had some big things coming up in the summer of 2019 (which were all awesome by the way and have sadly come and gone) and I wanted to lose weight. I decided I was going to stop eating everything I could get my hands on and start working out. So, I ate the rest of my Oreos and download the Couch to 5k app. And got to work.

Let me tell you – running is not my thing. Never has been, and I honestly think it never will be. While I have seen the benefits and now have an appreciation for it, I truly believe that people who say they like running are simply lying to themselves. I feel the same way about people who say they like cauliflower pizza crust or spaghetti squash. How could you possibly like it? Anyways, like many things we do, running and cauliflower crust are for the greater good, so we suffer through it. And that’s what the first couple of months of running felt like for me – suffering. I could hardly go 1 minute without feeling like I was going to pass out. Or die. I was determined. I’m an all or nothing person. So I jumped into health mode and went to town. I had a plan and I stuck to it. Plus that app is super awesome -it tells you exactly when to walk and when to run so I could easily follow it.

While the carrots and cardio made significant changes to my body, this time I was determined to do things differently. How many times would I continue the yo-yo diets? I’ve done this before. I didn’t want this to be another time that I lost weight for an event but then gained it back when it was over. Let me tell you people, that’s an exhausting and frustrating pattern. I realized that I would need to do more than count calories. This time I wanted to include God. It’s embarrassing to say that it was a new concept for me in the area of health. I am learning more and more that God needs to be part of everything I do if I want to succeed. So, while I was working to become physically healthier, I decided that I needed to work at becoming spiritually healthier as well. I was seeking the Lord for strength. I was asking Him to renew my mind. I realized that there were deeper issues than just a love for sugar that I needed to work through if I wanted to make sustainable changes. I had so much self-hate – which is not from God. I was placing so much worth on my appearance – which is not from God. I based my value and importance on what other people thought of me – which is not from God. I believed that I was only as good as the smallest size pants I could fit into – which is not from God. I would never admit these things out loud, but it was true, and I was realizing it for the first time in my life.

Slowly but surely, I began to turn to Him instead of turning to food to satisfy my cravings. I realized that I was using food as a crutch. Of course, we need food to live and function properly, but I was seeking comfort and stability in my ice-cream instead of in my relationship with the Lord. And that’s wrong. While I know I’m running the risk of sounding weirdly religious and dramatic, I began to realize that food was an idol in my life. Some preacher once said that an idol is anything you think about, care about, or invest in more than God. Dang. That seems so harsh. But it’s true and food was my idol.

There were many times through this process that I had a desire to go crazy and eat everything when I decided to journal or read my Bible instead. And that made such a difference for me. I started turning to Him instead of food. I chose to reflect on the deeper issues and confront my insecurities instead of shoving them down by the spoonful. And I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t always get it right. Still don’t. But I’m learning that God can fill my needs way more than food can. This whole concept may sound totally whack and you may be majorly eyerolling right now, but it’s true. And I believe that it is the main reason why I was able to lose 65 pounds and will continue to do so until I get to a healthy and sustainable weight for my body and lifestyle. Skinny is not better. But healthy is. And that’s what I want to be.

So that’s where I’m at. And in the spirit of honesty, I think it’s important to share that I did gain some weight over this past month of fun. And what’s crazy is that I know it will be ok. I am disappointed that it’s really hard to lose weight and super easy to gain it, but I am not defeated. Each day is another chance to get it right. I can’t get to mile 13 before I get to mile 1. I decided to run this half marathon because I believe I can. I want to continue to push. I’ve always been a believer in people but never really believed in myself. While I am totally intimated by this, I AM doing it. Being out of your comfort zone is not the greatest feeling, but it’s where growth happens.

So that’s probably enough for this first post. Props to you if you made it to the end. I hope it made sense. I hope it sets a solid foundation for the next 12 weeks. And shout out to the people who have been with me through it all. I’m a lucky duck to have so many people who love me.