February

Happy February people! It’s the month of loooovvveee.

Before I start, I want to admit that I ALWAYS struggle spelling the word February. It’s an annoying word to write because of that first “r” - I never say Feb-Ru-ary so it seems so wrong to write it that way. I honestly don't know if I’ve ever typed that word without a red squiggly line under it telling me I’ve made a mistake. Anyone else?!?! It’s just one of those things that makes my blood boil. I think I need to get over it. Or learn how to spell. 


Anyways - back to love. 


Tomorrow is Valentine’s day and I have a lot of feelings about it. Honestly, I’ve been having a lot of feelings about a lot of things lately. And I don't know why.


I would say that I generally like Valentine's Day because I have a lot of people in my life that I love and that love me. I’m blessed and I know it. But what is it about Valentine’s Day that can get this single gal all twisted up inside?! What is with the pressure that this day brings? How come I can’t help but feel like something is wrong with me when I don't have a significant other on February (there’s that word again) 14th? Today, I’m 98% happy and content with my life of singleness - but tomorrow there’s a good chance that percentage will be much lower. And honestly that annoys me. Tomorrow already feels hard. I want to be a strong independent woman, but I also want a cutie man to buy me presents and tell me I’m the light of his life. I’m only halfway joking. 


I am trying not to dismiss my feelings so here’s where I’m at with them - it’s ok to have these negative thoughts pop up - but I can't live there. I refuse. I will not let the thing I don't have take away from all that I do have. I won't let the lack of a boyfriend overshadow the many relationships that are full of love and life and joy that fill me up. Like anything, our feelings come and go. Some days are harder than others. That’s normal. And I’m pre-choosing that tomorrow I won't dwell on what I’m missing, but instead I’ll focus on what I have. I have a great life that I love. I have a beautiful home. I have the greatest family in the world. I live in a wonderful community and have a great job. I have a strong body and mind. I have fresh food to eat, clean clothes to wear, and a really comfy bed to safety sleep in every night. I have friends who make me laugh and inspire me to be better. And I have a Savior who gave everything for me so I can know the goodness and peace of God. My life is beautiful. That’s the love that I’ll be celebrating tomorrow. 


This is not a pity party post for me. On any given day, I’m satisfied and content and thankful for my single life. I rarely have dramatic moments looking out the window with tears streaming down my face longing for a husband. So that’s good.


This post goes out to all the people who may struggle tomorrow. I feel you. But I also encourage you to look for the love that’s in your life. It’s there if you look for it. Your life matters whether you have a significant other to buy you chocolates tomorrow or not. And let’s be honest - most of the chocolate in those heart boxes are trash anyways.


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