Feelings


Well I’m still here. Running. It seems like that’s all I do these days. The mileage is growing and so is my appetite.  

Last week (Wk 6) I ran 4, 2, 4, and 3 (as fast as I could).
So far this week (Wk 7) I’ve ran 4.5, 3, 4.5, and then on Friday I’ll do 7. Geesh.
Next week (Wk 8) I’ll run 4.5, 3, 4.5, and 8.

Physically I feel good. It’s been as humid as ever so I’ve been sweating buckets each time I go out to the path. And I mean buckets. My ear holes even get sweaty. How can that be a thing?? I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life but it happens every time. Weird.

I’ve been feeling kinda funky lately. My emotions fluctuate on a daily basis. Actually, I take that back. My emotions fluctuate on an hourly basis. Some moments I’m fully motivated and want to take on the world - some moments I want to curl up in bed and shut out that same world. Some moments I feel like a champion - some moments I feel like a major loser.  Some moments I believe that anything is possible – some moments I believe that I’ll never make it.

Weird how that happens huh? I think this whole process has been a major reminder for me of the truth that you can’t base everything off of your feelings. I’m a counselor so of course I know it’s important to feel your feelings and work through them, but we’ve got to find a way to not allow them to control us. I can’t allow the way I feel to dictate how I behave. Because I feel like quitting. My feelings say things like:  Stop working so hard. You’re still fat. And you always will be. You’ll never measure up. No man will ever love you. You’ve failed before and you’ll fail again. You’re better off sitting on the couch stuffing your face with ice-cream and pizza. You’re not a runner. Your failures define you.

It's in these moments that I HAVE to remind myself that my feelings do not get the power to control me. I choose what I believe. I choose how I behave. I choose how I fill my mind and body and soul.

I get to decide to silence those feelings and press into what is true. The truth is that I am loved. I am capable. I am happier and healthier and full of hope because of this new way of life. Yes, eating junk food and sitting on the couch is awesome and I love it, but it’s not getting me anywhere I want to be.


I’m learning that discipline is key. Not motivation. I heard someone explain the difference and it makes total sense. Motivation is a great place to start. It sparks change. But discipline is what sustains lasting change. Discipline gets you out of bed to run when your motivation has completely run out. Motivation is a feeling. Discipline is a choice.

And I choose to be disciplined.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

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